Angelo Fazio ⋅ Asbury Park, NJ IBM ⋅ 20 years experience

Charleen - your question is the hardest to answer and I have changed jobs more then I wish to admit. In addition to the other comments, ask friends and mentors to read your resume and provide feedback. The top of the resume has changed overtime to be "Executive Summary" or "Objective" and at the end of the day it is where you will make that first impression. I actually had different top 1/3 of my resume depending on the company I was targeting since it is too short to convey everything so prioritize to your critical top 2-3 strengths. Regards, Angelo

Jennifer Darkazalli ⋅ New York, NY IBM ⋅ 11 years experience

Hi Charleen,
As Veronica mentioned, you are on the right track. The story is there but I would make this more active and take out some of the words, maybe try something like this:

Senior Human Resources Manager with over 20 years experience in resource management. Passionate about creating a more collaborative and better work environment through evaluating processes to improve productivity, performance, engagement, retention, and overall employee happiness.

Veronica Summers ⋅ Hillsborough, NC IBM ⋅ 25 years experience

Hi Charleen. Thank you for your service.

You're on the right track. The resume summary should be brief and concise. What would you say to the hiring manager if you met her in an elevator and had only a minute to make your case? Think about keywords you need to include in your introduction. What makes you stand out from the crowd? Why are you right for the job? Provide examples. Instead of, "I'm great with people", try "I was selected as a leader for a key project." Research examples online to get started. Pull keywords from the job posting and include them in your summary so your resume is tailored to that position. Once you have your first draft, go back, and cut out unnecessary words. And then cut again.

Wendy Warnecke ⋅ Armonk, NY IBM ⋅ 25 years experience

Hi Charleen - First, sounds like you've been lucky have humans look at your resume. The majority of resume review work at large companies or organizations typically goes through a software filter - a computer scanning the resume for key words that match what it has been asked to look for. The more matches, the more likely your resume will be selected to move on to the next step. So, what is the language of the industry you want to go into? What trends or issues are folks in those jobs talking about in LinkedIn forums or associations?

Then look for something that seems to be "hot" and that you have a connection with. What have you done that showcases that connection and is there a statistic you can include? You don't have to have experience in an industry to have skills that are valuable in any role.

In the top of your resume use two to three columns of bullets - three or four skills in each - again those key words - to list the skills you bring. Project management. On-time delivery. Managing budget. Managing teams. That is a quick way to create the connections between your skills and what the computer or recruiter or hiring manager are looking for.

Deirdre Egan ⋅ Chicago, IL IBM ⋅ 25 years experience

Charleen: thank you for your service and good luck as you work on your resume. In terms of grabbing attention a short paragraph the outlines a few key characteristics about you, your main skill sets and what type of role you are looking for is helpful. I just googled " best opening paragraphs for resumes". and found all kinds of articles and opening paragraphs you can use as inspiration. of course, you need to make it specific to you but it can give you an idea of the impactful ways people are solving this same issue. It's important to include specifics around the job you are applying for so you do need to customize this each time. Take a look at https://bestresumeobjectiveexamples.com/20-best-resume-introduction-examples-you-can-use/

You should find some good tips and ideas to get started. Best of luck! Deirdre

Frank Cristinzio ⋅ Washington, DC IBM ⋅ 20 years experience

Charleen - Thanks for serving. You are thinking about the right things. In the civilian world, the goal of a resume is to 1) get through the HR screen to the interview 2) act as a bit of a roadmap for the interviewer to understand your experience. Keep sharpening it until it gets the job done for you, and don't forget that key words are super important.

I would recommend you have a very readable 2 page resume with ample white space where 4 out of 5 bullets convey something you did that led to outcomes. You will get hired most likely for what you did in the last 5-7 years so focus on that.

On that top section. I would say have a Summary Section that focus on three bullets that are highly readable. Things that show a balance of skills, knowledge, and experience. Maybe 1) Expert on partnering with Executives to Improve Team Performance 2) Seasoned Recruiter 3) Creative Problem Solver. And then build out 1-2 sentences under each that lead that get them to read the rest of the resume. Think about the problems that you want to solve for organizations - and build each bullet against that problem. I recommend bullets because you can use bold face type, white space, and other visual queues to make sure they reader comes away with the right point.

ALSO - as previous commenters noted, the first resume screen is often software based. Using lots and lots of key words from the job posting in your online application is usually required to make sure they software kicks your resume up for a person to review. The resume you upload can be a little tighter to look professional and visually easy to navigate.

Thanks for serving. Good luck. Be persistent. Hope this is helpful.

Lisa Cassidy ⋅ Portland, ME IBM ⋅ 10 years experience

Charleen, Thanks for your service! I bought a resume template from this site https://www.getlanded.com/ and it came with a really helpful checklist and hiring guide. You may want to check that out! It was $15 but well worth it in my view. Good luck!

Charleen Burton ⋅ Aurora, CO U.S. Army, Sergeant First Class ⋅ 22 years served

The humans are my connections not hiring managers, I haven't be able to get past the application process yet. Which is why I am hoping to improve it so that I can get to the next phase.

I am interested in human resource. I believe that the human capital is one of the biggest recourses in any organization. I have spent over 20 years working for that capital and I would like to continue to do that now that my military career is over. People are people and I like working to make the environment better for them. By evaluating process making things easier for people to be taken care of they are happier and more productive.