Hello, I will be retiring from the military in the next few months and have been told that I need to be active on LinkedIn. Although I have had a profile for several years, until recently I hadn't spent much time on building my profile. I know I still need to post a picture, but I was hoping someone could help me ensure that my profile looks good and help me to write a headline. Additionally, I would appreciate any feedback on my elevator pitch:
Good afternoon, my name is Brenda Greer. I am an MBA educated business management professional with more than 20 years of experience. I possess multiple skills covering many fields including – human resources, organization excellence, and information technology. I have been an IT manager where I led an international team in the conversion of NATO legacy software that reduced cycle time by 50 percent. I have also worked as a senior management analyst where I wrote an implementation plan for incorporating process improvement methods into corporate processes leading to more efficient and effective business processes. I have earned my Lean Six Sigma certification from Villanova University and am currently writing my dissertation for a doctoral degree in business administration with a dual emphasis in Management of Engineering and Management Information Systems. I am looking for a position as a management analyst for a company that offers upward mobility in the San Antonio area.
Thank you for your assistance.
Answers
Travis, thank you for your response and for the link.
Tom, thank you for your feedback, I have noticed you actively involved on several forums and always giving valuale feedback. I like your idea to break the speech into three different areas, and to be honest I hadn't timed how long the pitch takes to deliver. I have requested a mentor and hope to be connected within the next 4-8 weeks.
Brenda,
That is a good start. I suggest considering shortening it to approximately 30-seconds, and separating it into 3 parts. First, an 8 second "opening statement". Second, the core of your 30-second speech. Then pause and allow the person with whom you are conversing to respond. You can then work in the rest of the speech and any other information.
Over time, as you practice your speech, it will flow naturally and you will naturally improvise for each situation.
Another idea, to work on once you are satisfied with your current speech. Start to think about the speech you want to deliver in 6 months or 5 years, and then perform a "career gap analysis" to develop a plan of actions you can take to get to where you want to be in 5 years.
I also encourage you to request a formal one-on-one mentor from ACP. Your personal ACP mentor can help you with your current and future elevator speeches, career gap analysis, and crafting your personal career development plan that bridges the two speeches.
See also:
http://www.bing.com/search?q=career+gap+analysis#!
http://www.bing.com/search?q=career+elevator+speech#!
Brenda,
You will receive some great responses here either on the board or in private, no doubt about that! You should also post your elevator pitch on LinkedIn (if not done so already). In the Veteran Mentor Group, a contributor Rachael McDermott started a thread to post your elevator pitch and she (they) will provide an analysis. Good luck to you.
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